The Names We Call Ourselves
by The-Cursed-Daughter
Summary: Kit wrote this, and I posted it because it's great! Please read!


Kit wrote this, but didn't want to post it because she thought it wasn't worth it, but I think this is excellent!

**Warnings: Angst**

**Disclaimers: We (Kit) own nothing but the plot.**

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_Fool._

You don't know what you have until you lose it. The words rang a bitter truth for Hellboy. He hadn't realized how much he wanted, _needed_ John until the agent left. He had taken advantage of the agent, used him to release his...tensions and then ignored him.

_Fool._

The demon didn't realize that humans were _that_ much more fragile, that ever time he had avoided John's glance, he had _crushed_ a tiny bit of the agent.

_Fool._

And then, as he felt John get up from the bed beside him in the middle of the night, and as he watched the agent grab his already packed things and load them onto his motorcycle, Hellboy realized that he had let the greatest thing in his life go. But it was too late; as John rode away through the gates, he slipped through Hellboy's fingers. You don't know what you have until you lose it.

Hellboy sighed. Only fools lose what they had.

* * *

_Coward._

All men must fight for what they believe in. The words rang through John's mind as he packed his bags on the back of his Ducati. He was doing the one thing he had sworn to himself he would never do. He was running away, turning his back on his friends, his home, his calling.

_Coward._

What would Professor Broom have said? What would he say, watching from above? John remembered his first day; Professor Broom had told him, _"I handpicked you from a roster of over 70 FBI graduates. Make me proud."_ Broom would be _ashamed_ of him, running away from the thing, the _person_, he wanted most. From Hellboy.

_Coward._

John remembered what Abe had told him._ "You are pure of heart."_ No he wasn't. His heart was clouded by grief and regret. Grief that he would never be the man he swore to himself he would become, and regret for not being able to tell Hellboy how he really felt.

_Coward._

John finished loading his things and glanced up at Hellboy's window, thinking he saw a shadow in its depths. The agent mounted his Ducati and started it, the engine purring, smoke rising in the frigid, snowy background. All men must fight for what they believe in.

John drove away, resisting the urge to look back. Only cowards were too afraid to fight for their beliefs.

* * *

_Incompetent._

When you fall into a pit of despair, friends are the cushions you land on. Liz had heard this and things like it many times before. The fire-starter sighed as she watched Hellboy wandered dejectedly down the corridors of the BPRD.

_Incompetent._

How could she begin to comfort Hellboy, when she didn't even know what to say, when she had been too blind to see what was happening between her two friends? What could she tell Hellboy when she didn't even know the secrets he and John had kept?

_Incompetent._

She and Hellboy had been through so much together, they were kindred spirits, freaks. They had saved the world together, and now she couldn't even save him from his own sorrow. Friends were supposed to be a support system, a shoulder to lean on. How could Hellboy look to her for healing, when she had nothing to heal him with? When you fall into a pit of despair, friends are the cushions you land on.

Liz watched Hellboy wandered back to his room, slamming the door behind him. Only an incompetent cushion can't break a fall.

* * *

_Weakling._

Knowledge is power. Abe pressed a hand to the glass of his tank, his prison. He could only watch as life progressed around him. He was trapped behind a pane of glass, unable to see what was happening between two of his nearest and dearest, until it was too late to help.

_Weakling._

What was his intelligence worth when he couldn't use it to help his friends, to help Hellboy when he needed him most? Why was he condemned to feel the pain of others, without the power to help?

_Weakling._

Liz, Hellboy, John, the other agents, even Professor Broom and now Manning looked up to him for advice and wisdom. But he was just a fish, separated from their world by the air they breathed. He could never completely be there, always having to return to the water.

_Weakling._

He had always said that wars were won by the tacticians behind the warriors, but Abe could see that he had been wrong. The soldiers had to be able to react and adapt, throwing away the plan and improvising when the situation called for it. How much assistance could he provide, sitting on the sidelines, reading from his books? Knowledge is power.

Abe shook his head sadly and swam away from the glass. Only weaklings didn't know how to use their knowledge as power.

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Please read and review! It would make Kit's day, considering she's had a bad one!

_Kit &_ Violet


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